This week I got a job, went on dates with two women, and met one of my personal heroes. Yet despite my fortune I felt melancholy on the walk home. (I'm not going to go as far as to say depressed, that word is thrown around too easily.) I believe my sadness may come from my difficulty in going after what I want. All three of the "fortunes" in the first sentence were essentially handed to me.
The job, despite my resolution to abandon the restaurant industry, is a return to waiting tables. A friend called me telling me her restaurant needed someone and that it was much better than Isabellas. She also said that part time work was available. Compromise between my dream and having money? I am getting sick of not working each day. I went in to the interview and the manager pretty was ready to give me the job right then and there. He didn't really interview me so much as tell me about the restaurant. It wasn't part time work, but it is about 15-20 hours less than Isabellas which was what I was looking for. So while that's nice, my goal of finding work in the writing world just didn't happen. I checked Craigslist, emailed some resumes to production offices, and frequented Mandy.com. But I didn't go after it the way I used to fiend after rare X-Men toys at Toys'R'Us.
Then there are the women. One of them? Exciting, fun, my age, and possibly trouble. There was a good connection on the date, some kino (pick up term for physical escalation,) time bridging (pua term for setting next date) and some light and fun texting the next morning. I thought it was on. Then, that night I sent one last text. No reply. I should have given her 48 hours to respond before I contacted her again. But my emotions got the best of me and I called her last night. I did have a plan. Get her on the phone? I had a joke in mind, then I'd tell her about the awesome lecture, and finally break the news that I might have to break the date (I might be an extra in the new Batman movie Friday.) If it goes to voice mail, I leave the message about breaking the date. But when I called her it rang once then went to voice mail ( meaning she declined the call ) then the message informed me that her in box was full and could not take any messages. Drag. Hope is not lost, but it doesn't look so good.
The other girl is every girl I've ever dated. I'm not really attracted to her. We don't have that much in common and I don't think she's open to the kink lifestyle (just a hunch.) I went on a second date with her yesterday and despite my boredom, I've found myself escalating the relationship. We're now Facebook friends, I'm going to her Halloween party (awkward,) and I kissed her. She's not a bad person and I hate the idea of breaking up (even though we've only been on 2 dates?) I could give her another shot, but by now, if I'm not into her, I'm not going to be.
Giving up drinking has been isolating. And I just don't know how to pull myself out of this funk. Maybe, the new job will expose me to some exciting people, but I doubt it will solve the apprehension I feel about my stalled life.
Tyler sent me this album for my birthday.
Phantograms - When I'm Small (Lucy's Mix)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM2azIP3q4A
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