Good morning all. It's been ages since I've updated this blog. That's because if I have anything worth saying I tend to filter it through mackjackandjill.com. But yesterday I had a story that didn't seem filterable. I was up in Everett at my friend Zach's place. I have returned to Seattle this week to visit old friends and at Zach's house we have set up a massive LAN party. If you aren't familiar with LAN parties, a bunch of dorks bring their computers to one house and you play videogames until you pass out.
In my youth I had watched my friends part take in such dorkiness but was never able to participate myself for various reasons. Well, set up before me was my laptop, my best friends, and a fully updated, ready to play Team Fortress 2 (possibly the best game I've ever purchased). Just as the games were to begin I noticed a missed call from my brother.
Without going through too much detail my brother is suffering an unusual bout of depression brought on by a doctor who's been perscribing pills like candy. He's somewhat volitile and at the moment I feel it my responsibility to be there for him at the drop of a hat. I'm sorry to admit that I don't want to be there for him. You may call me a terrible brother for that sentiment and I wouldn't disagree with you. But unfortunately, helping my brother means sitting there on the phone for the better part of an hour or two while he goes over the same details over and over again and you nod along silently. But I also know that during this volitility I MUST be there for him in any and all needed capacity. That if I were to cut him off in converstaion saying "But you're okay, right. K' I'm gonna go," I would feel like shit. Despite that I've already talked to him for an hour today, despite that this is the one thing in my trip I was most looking forward to.
I pick up the phone and walk up the stairs as my heart starts pounding. The phone rings I don't know how many times as I worry that I might be too late. But finally he answers. He says things are weird. I listen. He continues and I get the sense he's okay, but that's not good enough. I have to be there till the end. And he doesn't end convesations. You have to.
I don't consider myself a very religious person. But I do believe that there are things one should do. I do believe we should give beggers money. I do believe it is wrong to capitalize on someone's mistake (i.e. at a restaurant or coffee shop) and when someone has come to you for help, you help them till you can't help them any longer. I did feel what I was doing at this moment was something God would demand. And so, despite the fact that my friends were once again having the fun I always yearned for, I was upstairs, till the end. I silently prayed for an out. "C'mon, I'm doing you a solid. Please do me one!"
As my brother started his next topic of converstaion, cementing another 20 minutes, he stopped mid sentence.
"Sorry, Ben. Dad's on other line. I'll call you later."
Free at last.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Wrong Turns and Cliff Dives
I've joked in the past that should things not work out the way with regard to my career aspirations as I envision them, I, in all likely hood will shoot myself in the face. There is a distinction I see that other may not between shooting one's self in the face and shooting one's self in the head. Face is humorous on the level of "pie in the face" while head is closer to suicide. Despite the difference I finally must attest to the fact that both convey a chilling sentiment despite the missed implied levity. But I must confess that it is necessary to my survival that I attain a level greater than what I am currently existing at. Let me state that more clearly, the path I am currently on is one of doom.
I'll let the few (one or two people) who read this blog's mind to rest as that I do not actively seek suicide nor do I desire an early and untimely end. However, the life I live is not fulfilling to me. Should I continue in this vain I can only see disaster. I already drink far more than I should. It should not be a mystery why I tend to write people who decay into corruption and despair.
I watched Arron Sorkin's The Newsroom tonight on HBO. The pilot episode is essentially the exact same pilot episode of Sorkin's failed series Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Both pilots trumpet this nations failings that have lost it's way to lower standards. The sentiments work better in The Newsroom than they do in a show about sketch comedy. But regardless, the chilling sentiment stuck in me that I can and should be doing more. As hard as I work, I continue to fall short of my potential. When I was a teenager, I felt very strongly about my opinions and argued them with a passion. In retrospect, I was certainly wrong about most of those opinions and in greater certainty I was annoying and pompous to those around me. However, the apathy and contentment in ignorance I have adopted if far worse than the attitude of the impudent teenager. At least then I was willing to fight for what I felt was important.
The doom that lingers over me is from numerous missed opportunities. I honestly feel like every decision I made has been the wrong one. Issac Newton never had the apple fall upon his head, Columbus decided not to take the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria on their voyages, Copernicus decided fuck it, I guess the sun isn't the center of the solar system. Am I narcissistic and grandiose to compare myself to the likes of those historical figures? Definitely. But something inside of me demands that I expect that level of greatness of myself.
I have a friend who recently told me that the worst thing you can tell your child is that they are great and above average. Such sentiments will lead to great anxiety and disappointment. I couldn't disagree more. Perhaps those sentiments lead to my unhappiness. But I demand more of myself. I have to. Otherwise I will cease to be. That's not suicidal despair. It is simply what I feel I have to do.
So when people tell me I'm brave for moving to New York or LA to pursue my dreams I look at this with a perplexed confusion. I'm not going after my dreams. I have to do this. Or I will die. I promise you that. I'm doing it to survive.
I'll let the few (one or two people) who read this blog's mind to rest as that I do not actively seek suicide nor do I desire an early and untimely end. However, the life I live is not fulfilling to me. Should I continue in this vain I can only see disaster. I already drink far more than I should. It should not be a mystery why I tend to write people who decay into corruption and despair.
I watched Arron Sorkin's The Newsroom tonight on HBO. The pilot episode is essentially the exact same pilot episode of Sorkin's failed series Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Both pilots trumpet this nations failings that have lost it's way to lower standards. The sentiments work better in The Newsroom than they do in a show about sketch comedy. But regardless, the chilling sentiment stuck in me that I can and should be doing more. As hard as I work, I continue to fall short of my potential. When I was a teenager, I felt very strongly about my opinions and argued them with a passion. In retrospect, I was certainly wrong about most of those opinions and in greater certainty I was annoying and pompous to those around me. However, the apathy and contentment in ignorance I have adopted if far worse than the attitude of the impudent teenager. At least then I was willing to fight for what I felt was important.
The doom that lingers over me is from numerous missed opportunities. I honestly feel like every decision I made has been the wrong one. Issac Newton never had the apple fall upon his head, Columbus decided not to take the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria on their voyages, Copernicus decided fuck it, I guess the sun isn't the center of the solar system. Am I narcissistic and grandiose to compare myself to the likes of those historical figures? Definitely. But something inside of me demands that I expect that level of greatness of myself.
I have a friend who recently told me that the worst thing you can tell your child is that they are great and above average. Such sentiments will lead to great anxiety and disappointment. I couldn't disagree more. Perhaps those sentiments lead to my unhappiness. But I demand more of myself. I have to. Otherwise I will cease to be. That's not suicidal despair. It is simply what I feel I have to do.
So when people tell me I'm brave for moving to New York or LA to pursue my dreams I look at this with a perplexed confusion. I'm not going after my dreams. I have to do this. Or I will die. I promise you that. I'm doing it to survive.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Days till LA
It seems I only update this blog when I am in a bit of emotional turmoil. Bare in mind I seem to only update it once a month or so. A shudder at the picture one might construct of me based on these posts alone.
In the past month I have decided to leave New York to move to LA. But unlike the decision to move to New York, which was empowering, this one has been stultifying. My writing has come to a virtual stand still. I'm lucky if I update MackJackandJill once a week. My drinking moderation has deteriorated to the point it was before I quit. And my dating life has come to a screeching halt.
On the plus side my play Same River Twice is being staged read this Sunday. Click here for the Facebook page. It was originally scheduled for May 20th but then the bar told us we couldn't have that weekend so it was pushed back to May 27. I figured that would be fine, only to realize later that it was Memorial Day weekend and everyone will be out of town. Several people who not only expressed but promised to go now suddenly proclaimed, "Sorry, I'm going to be in the Hamptons/Long Island/drunk." I've been pimping this show for two months now, sending texts, email updates, Facebook invites, everything I could think of. So when after the 3rd reminder someone finally messages back "Sorry, I have plans," it makes me what to scream at them "Yea, for my show that I've been telling you about for over a month!" It would be one thing if they text/emailed me saying, "I'm sorry, I know how much this play means to you, but I need to go on this vacation or my head is going to explode." But instead I get this feeling of "whoops, we'll come next time." I felt so goddamn alone, yesterday.
Otherwise I've been applying to contests and fellowships in droves. In the past two months I've applied to the Austin Film Festival, The WB Writers' Mentoring Program, the CBS Diversity Fellowship, and soon the Disney | ABC Writers' Program.
Also I bought Diablo III. Not really sure what the hub bub is all about.
Song - Owl City - Take It All Away
In the past month I have decided to leave New York to move to LA. But unlike the decision to move to New York, which was empowering, this one has been stultifying. My writing has come to a virtual stand still. I'm lucky if I update MackJackandJill once a week. My drinking moderation has deteriorated to the point it was before I quit. And my dating life has come to a screeching halt.
On the plus side my play Same River Twice is being staged read this Sunday. Click here for the Facebook page. It was originally scheduled for May 20th but then the bar told us we couldn't have that weekend so it was pushed back to May 27. I figured that would be fine, only to realize later that it was Memorial Day weekend and everyone will be out of town. Several people who not only expressed but promised to go now suddenly proclaimed, "Sorry, I'm going to be in the Hamptons/Long Island/drunk." I've been pimping this show for two months now, sending texts, email updates, Facebook invites, everything I could think of. So when after the 3rd reminder someone finally messages back "Sorry, I have plans," it makes me what to scream at them "Yea, for my show that I've been telling you about for over a month!" It would be one thing if they text/emailed me saying, "I'm sorry, I know how much this play means to you, but I need to go on this vacation or my head is going to explode." But instead I get this feeling of "whoops, we'll come next time." I felt so goddamn alone, yesterday.
Otherwise I've been applying to contests and fellowships in droves. In the past two months I've applied to the Austin Film Festival, The WB Writers' Mentoring Program, the CBS Diversity Fellowship, and soon the Disney | ABC Writers' Program.
Also I bought Diablo III. Not really sure what the hub bub is all about.
Song - Owl City - Take It All Away
Monday, April 23, 2012
Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
This past week has been emotionally erratic. The Modern Family research has been really trick. I mean all you have to do is watch the damn show, but I really hate sitting, hour after hour watching it. I've also struggled to stay focused on my blog.
It's one thing to sit down and start writing an idea. I've become remarkably adept at that (which is where most writer's falter.) But there are other hurdles tripping me up and they are stultifying. Another example, I am applying to a CBS fellowship. Fellowships are much better then contests. They're free (usually) and you actually meet producers, show runners, head writers, etc and they usually result in a job. So I've got this fellowship application in front of me. I've got my 30 Rock script written and current. I've got a strong second entry (they want something not TV) so I've got a newly edited 3rd draft of Same River Twice ready to go. But what stops me? Resume or bio. It's just a stupid thing, but I don't know how to present myself. I've been told if I don't have a resume write a bio. I don't have much writing experience so what do I pad it with? All my acting experience? Do I throw in that I had a personal writing coach named Charles Waxberg who has a great resume himself? Do I go into detail about what I'm good at as a writer that sets me apart? It just feels so wrong and rudimentary.
Same thing with the website. I keep telling myself to write the page content on its then do the bells and whistles later, but then I spend 45 minutes trying to get the lettering size right and a good background. I get frustrated and close the browser window.
The ball of fire that used to drive me feel like it is extinguishing. I feel like I'm running on "this is what I should do" rather than "this is what I want to do."
On the other end of things, Marilyn has called me a couple of times. She's the last girl I dated. Without going into too much detail, she's the first person I was excited to date in a long time. She broke things off for a few reasons. But ultimately because I was eventually going to move to LA and she didn't want to get involved. That break up was the inciting incident to the firm August move date.
But another reason she broke things off was because I was good at getting past her emotional walls. I must say I'm pretty in touch with my feelings and emotional intimacy has always been easy for me. She didn't like that, it made her feel uncomfortable. She called me probably about two weeks ago about a crisis she didn't feel like she had anyone else to turn to. That made me feel good. But it also made me start to see "us" as a possibility (despite the logical acknowledgement of it still being an impossibility.) We chatted briefly on gchat since. But then a few nights ago she drunk dialed me waking me up. I was glad she did. We had a talk I barely remember but I know it was along the lines of emotional walls coming down again.
Yesterday I got another gchat message from her, and just as conversation gets going she pulls this out of left field:
Song of the day - Freelance Whales.
It's one thing to sit down and start writing an idea. I've become remarkably adept at that (which is where most writer's falter.) But there are other hurdles tripping me up and they are stultifying. Another example, I am applying to a CBS fellowship. Fellowships are much better then contests. They're free (usually) and you actually meet producers, show runners, head writers, etc and they usually result in a job. So I've got this fellowship application in front of me. I've got my 30 Rock script written and current. I've got a strong second entry (they want something not TV) so I've got a newly edited 3rd draft of Same River Twice ready to go. But what stops me? Resume or bio. It's just a stupid thing, but I don't know how to present myself. I've been told if I don't have a resume write a bio. I don't have much writing experience so what do I pad it with? All my acting experience? Do I throw in that I had a personal writing coach named Charles Waxberg who has a great resume himself? Do I go into detail about what I'm good at as a writer that sets me apart? It just feels so wrong and rudimentary.
Same thing with the website. I keep telling myself to write the page content on its then do the bells and whistles later, but then I spend 45 minutes trying to get the lettering size right and a good background. I get frustrated and close the browser window.
The ball of fire that used to drive me feel like it is extinguishing. I feel like I'm running on "this is what I should do" rather than "this is what I want to do."
On the other end of things, Marilyn has called me a couple of times. She's the last girl I dated. Without going into too much detail, she's the first person I was excited to date in a long time. She broke things off for a few reasons. But ultimately because I was eventually going to move to LA and she didn't want to get involved. That break up was the inciting incident to the firm August move date.
But another reason she broke things off was because I was good at getting past her emotional walls. I must say I'm pretty in touch with my feelings and emotional intimacy has always been easy for me. She didn't like that, it made her feel uncomfortable. She called me probably about two weeks ago about a crisis she didn't feel like she had anyone else to turn to. That made me feel good. But it also made me start to see "us" as a possibility (despite the logical acknowledgement of it still being an impossibility.) We chatted briefly on gchat since. But then a few nights ago she drunk dialed me waking me up. I was glad she did. We had a talk I barely remember but I know it was along the lines of emotional walls coming down again.
Yesterday I got another gchat message from her, and just as conversation gets going she pulls this out of left field:
Marilyn:i like talking to youbut i hate talking to you.
it's very much a love-hate thing.
me: :(
Marilyn: it's not your fault
it's that you allow me to be emotionally weak when i talk to you
me: And why would you hate talking to me?
Marilyn: and i don't feel like i can ever afford to do that.
i get to fall apart when i talk to you
7:20 PM and then it takes forever to put myself together again.
i hate it
but i like having the freedom to do so
me: You're not the only one who has to put themselves back together after we talk.
Marilyn: fair enough.
me: It's why I don't contact you.
7:21 PM Marilyn: well aren't we a bunch of masochists
me: But always welcome it when you message me all the same.
Marilyn: i'm sorry.
me: Look forward to it even.
7:22 PM Though it sounds like you putting yourself back together is more strenious than me.
7:23 PM But look at it this way...
7:24 PM You're going to fall apart sooner or later regardless, better you do it with me than at some random moment or when you're all alone.
This has left me in a sort of emotional limbo. Clearly there is something there that she refuses to let happen, but at the same isn't going to let go of. And I am moving to LA. She won't change that. But I still feel really cheated. She and I connected on something that I never connect on anyone with. She robbed me of that exploration. Yes I want to be there for her if she needs me. But I can't detach my help from the hope of a physical relationship when reinitiate contact. Song of the day - Freelance Whales.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Moving Forward -- Progress!
Some progress has been made in my week since the last post. So that's fun. I've picked Modern Family for my new show to spec. I can watch all of this season thanks to Hulu Plus (I think I'm the only person in America that has that) but the first two seasons are not on Netflix. What a crisis. That means I'll have to read episode synopses and character descriptions online. Which sucks because I really do learn character voices by watching. Maybe I can find some website with its server in Korea or something.
This week I edited my play Same River Twice down to 66 pages from 80 pages. (The original draft was almost 100.) Unfortunately the theatre company is really stiff on time and so they want me to cut more. Originally they're the ones who told me to get it to around 65 pages. I submitted that, then they just decided to cut a bunch of other shit out anyway. I'm not too happy. But at least it will be read on May 20th.
But after getting it to the 66 page mark, I'm pretty happy with that cut. So much so that I copyrighted it. Booya! Then submitted it to the Mad Lab Theatre company. While we're talking about submitting things, I also submitted my 30 Rock to the Scriptapalooza TV contest. TV contests cost money (around $40) but it's one of the few ways to get production companies and agents to read your stuff. Coming up is the Austin Film Festival that has a contest and a Disney Fellowship. Fellowships are better in that they are free and the prize is often times a job. So wooo! (Not to be confused with the leet speak woot.)
Meanwhile, I've compiled everyone I could remember meeting in the last 9 or so years and made a NETWORKING email list. Delving into the past dizzying. It's crazy how many people we come across and don't remember. Along with that, I've purchased the url www.eltermanproductions.com. I just have to figure out wordpress's system well enough. But an online presence will be necessary. Then I'll need to tackle business cards. Oh and I'm moving to LA in August. Cause you know, that's probably what I should have done a year ago. Oh well.
Lastly, I've started dabbling into the Paleo diet. If you haven't heard, it's the "cave man" diet. Basically, it figures our evolutionary biology has not progressed very much in the last hundred thousand years which is problematic because with the advent of agriculture (about 10,000 years ago) our diet has completely changed. Long story short, our bodies aren't meant for processing grains. The book I'm reading (pictured above) is a little much and I'm not too happy with the style. The claims are pretty grandiose (he says grains are responsible for Cancer, Parkinson's, MS, and I'm pretty sure racism [last one I made up.]) And he insinuates Government conspiracy from time to time. (With respect to the grain heavy food pyramid.) I'm a little more interested in understanding the biology of it all and he goes into that but he's pretty bad at keeping enzyme and hormone explanations concise and clear. I come away from those chapter feeling like I've read a garbled mess. But my Cross-Fit friends swear by the diet, so I'll give it its month trial and see how I feel. Hell it's Passover this week, so I'm practically on the diet anyway.
Other than cutting my hand and ending up in the ER last week and meeting a cool girl last night, that's been the long and the short of it. I'll leave you with this awesome song.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Moving Forward
My TV writing class ended last night all the while coinciding with a compulsion that's been brewing inside me. As Mega Man X's cries in desperation when his health gets low so must I, "time to get serious." Over the past two years, I've proven to myself that I indeed can write. I have 6 bodies of work (3 plays, 2 spec scripts, 1 pilot script) as well as a blog, and the ability to take and incorporate notes. It surprised me how few of the other writers in my TV classes finished even first drafts of their scripts over the 10 week course while I was turning in 2nd and 3rd draft revisions.
What I haven't done is push myself in a direction to market and selling myself. And that's the big deal. Networking has always been a scary word for me. I've come to view myself as a loner and when I'm at my loneliest I never feel I have anyone there for me. But the truth of the matter is that I've had plenty of opportunities for networking and have simply let the relationships die. As I look back there are plenty of people in college and play shows that I've done who were more than willing to be supportive. I just let it die away. So now my personal goal is to reinvigorate those relationships and keep them alive.
Networking: Check!
Marketing....
Uhhh....okay. So here's the real problem. How the hell do I get my stuff to make me money? I need to start getting outside my comfort area. Contacting agents, production companies, being persistent, aggressively market. I've always wanted to play the game by the rules. As I've grown older, I've come to realize that success goes to those willing to bend or break the rules by taking a risk. My see what happens approach has gotten me to be a 28 year old waiter. It's time to try something more active.
This also means I will be leaving New York. It was a bad decision for my career. But it gave me a year and some change to be more firmly committed to my goal. I learned to be a little more gruff and forceful. The writing class refined me and gave me direction. It will be a bitch to pack my shit up and mail it again. I'll have to buy a new car, pay for insurance, find another place, but fuck it...it's time. I'm putting the date at July or August.
I've felt for a long time that I don't feel like a man. And why should I? What have I done? I've not built a career, a family, a community. I've wandered from group to group, job to job, keep mostly to myself and it's left me lonely and unaccomplished. At my core, all I want is to sit at home, get drunk, fuck a girlfriend, play videogames or watch movies. And as much as I will indulge in pieces of that, when I do have free time I'm never able to enjoy any of those things (well except the girl fucking, but even then not really.) I truly believe, if I am able to overcome this networking hurdle, if I'm able to support myself with my writing, I will finally be a man.
If I can't, if I fail I will probably shoot myself.
What I haven't done is push myself in a direction to market and selling myself. And that's the big deal. Networking has always been a scary word for me. I've come to view myself as a loner and when I'm at my loneliest I never feel I have anyone there for me. But the truth of the matter is that I've had plenty of opportunities for networking and have simply let the relationships die. As I look back there are plenty of people in college and play shows that I've done who were more than willing to be supportive. I just let it die away. So now my personal goal is to reinvigorate those relationships and keep them alive.
Networking: Check!
Marketing....
Uhhh....okay. So here's the real problem. How the hell do I get my stuff to make me money? I need to start getting outside my comfort area. Contacting agents, production companies, being persistent, aggressively market. I've always wanted to play the game by the rules. As I've grown older, I've come to realize that success goes to those willing to bend or break the rules by taking a risk. My see what happens approach has gotten me to be a 28 year old waiter. It's time to try something more active.
This also means I will be leaving New York. It was a bad decision for my career. But it gave me a year and some change to be more firmly committed to my goal. I learned to be a little more gruff and forceful. The writing class refined me and gave me direction. It will be a bitch to pack my shit up and mail it again. I'll have to buy a new car, pay for insurance, find another place, but fuck it...it's time. I'm putting the date at July or August.
I've felt for a long time that I don't feel like a man. And why should I? What have I done? I've not built a career, a family, a community. I've wandered from group to group, job to job, keep mostly to myself and it's left me lonely and unaccomplished. At my core, all I want is to sit at home, get drunk, fuck a girlfriend, play videogames or watch movies. And as much as I will indulge in pieces of that, when I do have free time I'm never able to enjoy any of those things (well except the girl fucking, but even then not really.) I truly believe, if I am able to overcome this networking hurdle, if I'm able to support myself with my writing, I will finally be a man.
If I can't, if I fail I will probably shoot myself.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
A Year and Some Change.
I just passed my year anniversary in New York and it's time I brought things back into focus. It's been a long time since I've update this blog or MackJackandJill. Working out is at a bare minimum. I stopped writing topical jokes. And drinking is pretty much back to where it was before I "took the break." But the biggest sin of all is that, in the year I've been in the city of New York, I've done almost nothing to market myself as a writer.
Now it's not been all bad. Dating has been, to say the least, adventurous. There's even a girl I really like (though it seems to be almost over.) I've got a few friends under my belt. Same River Twice will be read by the Hudson Warehouse in May. And I've finished a few drafts of my TV pilot.
But the feeling that it's all slipping away is unavoidable. And that is my crisis. For the past six months or so, I've been taking two TV writing classes. And even though they've been a great help in understanding the process and the system, they've afforded me the privilege of putting my life on "auto pilot." As much I like this girl I'm seeing, she has been an incredible distraction. If she were online right now, I'd be talking to her instead of writing this blog. I've let myself fall harder than I should which has let me squeeze by with the minimal effort to my writing.
So what now? As centered as I am at this moment. past experience has demonstrated diminishing resolve. I've proved to myself and to others that I am devoted and talented writer. The focus has to be now on getting those with power and money to believe it too. I've got a list of a few goals.
1) Get Hold Up performed. (That's a short play I wrote.)
2) Continue writing spec scripts. (1 per month.)
3) Get The Guilty optioned. (My pilot.)
4) Get known. However I'm supposed to do that.
It's scary. It really is.
Now it's not been all bad. Dating has been, to say the least, adventurous. There's even a girl I really like (though it seems to be almost over.) I've got a few friends under my belt. Same River Twice will be read by the Hudson Warehouse in May. And I've finished a few drafts of my TV pilot.
But the feeling that it's all slipping away is unavoidable. And that is my crisis. For the past six months or so, I've been taking two TV writing classes. And even though they've been a great help in understanding the process and the system, they've afforded me the privilege of putting my life on "auto pilot." As much I like this girl I'm seeing, she has been an incredible distraction. If she were online right now, I'd be talking to her instead of writing this blog. I've let myself fall harder than I should which has let me squeeze by with the minimal effort to my writing.
So what now? As centered as I am at this moment. past experience has demonstrated diminishing resolve. I've proved to myself and to others that I am devoted and talented writer. The focus has to be now on getting those with power and money to believe it too. I've got a list of a few goals.
1) Get Hold Up performed. (That's a short play I wrote.)
2) Continue writing spec scripts. (1 per month.)
3) Get The Guilty optioned. (My pilot.)
4) Get known. However I'm supposed to do that.
It's scary. It really is.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Keep On Keepin' On
Not too much has changed since my last post (hence why I haven't updated.) Still watching the Wire (just finished season 2) and still reading The Dark Tower. (In the middle of book 3.) I'm pretty happy with my Raising Hope spec. It could be funnier, but I think the plot moves well. If you want to read it, email me. Other than that I start a pilot writing class tomorrow. Same teacher, Jim Mendrinos.
Funny guy, great class. I didn't really want to write TV pilots, but I figure while I've got the guys ear, might as well learn one more thing.
Since I "finished" my Raising Hope spec, I've sorta tapped out on writing. I'll take a pass through on the script once a day, but then I end up wasting my time bumming around the internet. So I've started looking into TV writing contests. I've got the 30 Rock script which I'm proud of. Might as well do something with it. However I'm scared I've made some invisible blunder/typo. These contests average around 40 bucks a pop so I'd hate to have my script tossed out because of something stupid.
Only other thing going on is some dating. I've been mostly getting dates off of OkCupid. I've gotten a lot more dates here in NYC than I ever did in Seattle. Had a date on Friday, have one today, and one tomorrow. Maybe it's because my profile is better. Girls seem to really respond to the last part about "You should message me if." Dating in and of itself sucks. Maybe I go about it old fashioned, but I've spent a lot on food/coffee and not gotten any traction. I usually get to the date and I'm either not attracted to them or there's nothing to latch on to in the conversation. You just sorta go from topic to topic hoping it gets exciting. I do much better approaching and getting numbers on the street or in coffee houses. But in this winter weather that makes girls fewer and farther between. But then again it's all just a numbers game.
Going to a Richard III reading today at a bar. The theatre company is Hudson Warehouse (the company that is supposed to do a reading my play.) I'll probably drink today. The moderation of alcohol is starting to get difficult. I've been letting myself drink more than I should. Nothing crazy. I had a beer on the date Friday and I didn't drink yesterday. But the resolve I had in October has completely withered away and I'm only abstaining out of pure logic. And even that's hard to hold on to.
Song of the day. Starving Your Friends, covered by a cool girl on Youtube. (I swear if I could get this girl, that'd be the game.)
Funny guy, great class. I didn't really want to write TV pilots, but I figure while I've got the guys ear, might as well learn one more thing.
Since I "finished" my Raising Hope spec, I've sorta tapped out on writing. I'll take a pass through on the script once a day, but then I end up wasting my time bumming around the internet. So I've started looking into TV writing contests. I've got the 30 Rock script which I'm proud of. Might as well do something with it. However I'm scared I've made some invisible blunder/typo. These contests average around 40 bucks a pop so I'd hate to have my script tossed out because of something stupid.
Only other thing going on is some dating. I've been mostly getting dates off of OkCupid. I've gotten a lot more dates here in NYC than I ever did in Seattle. Had a date on Friday, have one today, and one tomorrow. Maybe it's because my profile is better. Girls seem to really respond to the last part about "You should message me if." Dating in and of itself sucks. Maybe I go about it old fashioned, but I've spent a lot on food/coffee and not gotten any traction. I usually get to the date and I'm either not attracted to them or there's nothing to latch on to in the conversation. You just sorta go from topic to topic hoping it gets exciting. I do much better approaching and getting numbers on the street or in coffee houses. But in this winter weather that makes girls fewer and farther between. But then again it's all just a numbers game.
Going to a Richard III reading today at a bar. The theatre company is Hudson Warehouse (the company that is supposed to do a reading my play.) I'll probably drink today. The moderation of alcohol is starting to get difficult. I've been letting myself drink more than I should. Nothing crazy. I had a beer on the date Friday and I didn't drink yesterday. But the resolve I had in October has completely withered away and I'm only abstaining out of pure logic. And even that's hard to hold on to.
Song of the day. Starving Your Friends, covered by a cool girl on Youtube. (I swear if I could get this girl, that'd be the game.)
Friday, January 6, 2012
Continuing the fight.
I've been wasting a lot of time lately. Yesterday was the first day I actually got some new writing done by starting my Raising Hope draft. I'm actually sorta proud of my idea for the episode. I've stolen a plot device from my favorite episode of Angel for it.
There's also a girl I've been texting lately. She seems pretty cool, but I haven't seen her in person. I always get nervous about girls I haven't seen (i.e. we've messaged on some dating site) but are responsive. I feel like if I'm going to be attracted to them, I'm going to have to prove myself. If they are responding that quickly and easily either somethings wrong or they're not going to be hot. This girl seems to get my humor and she likes video games. She actually played Metal Gear Solid 4 and he has downloaded some indie puzzle games! That should be a red flag I'm not going to be physically attracted to her.
I recently had a short fling with someone. She was young, a bit of a brat, and not over her ex boyfriend (which in retrospect may never have been her ex.) But she was hot. It ended abruptly as I expected it to. And even though I put up emotional roadblocks so as not to get hurt, I couldn't help but feel dejected and abandoned. I actually had a dream last night where she and I sat down for coffee and had a frank and honest discussion about our brief relationship. I asked her point blank if she ever broke up with her boy friend at all and she said "no." The dream was cathartic.
Been watching The Wire. Saw the first season years ago. Now that I have it on DVD, I'm watching it with the subtitles. When you have a show that has it's plot developments happen in dialogue which involves throwing names around I get lost. The Wire does this and so does L.A. Confidential. For example:
My Nintendo 3DS has been getting some play lately. I've always ragged on The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Felt it was boring and overrated, Ganon(dorf) looked silly, (he's much cooler in Twilight Princess and the coolest in Wind Waker) and thought most of the game was boring. And a month before it was released, the first Metal Gear Solid came out and blew my fuckin' mind. So when people cry OcT was the best game ever I tend to roll my eyes.
But I've been playing OcT: Master Quest on my 3DS. It's a harder and rearranged version of the N64 classic. And the re-release has some nice graphical updates. I've actually been enjoying the game somewhat. The difficulty really make it exciting. Crazy huh? It's still not as good as Link to the Past.
And the other time waster has been The Dark Tower. Stephen King's fantasy epic has captivated me. I always held off reading it despite raves from my friends because I'm a relatively weak reader. I do okay with books that are 200-400 pages but after a while I lose interest or get distracted. I don't think I've read anything beyond 600 pages before in my life. I put down Michael Chabon The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay 100 pages from finishing it because I had been on and off so much that I forgot all the peripheral characters. When they showed up at the end for resolutions I had no idea what was going on. So to read a 7 book series, with several of those books being 600 pages plus, it just didn't seem like a good idea. But I bit the bullet and now I'm half way through the 2nd book and am happy with my decision. Also the Kindle does wonders. Another minus about a 600 page book is that you have to carry it around. Going out to a club? You're not bringing that thing with you. But now I can just sync it to my phone and continue reading it on the train. Isn't technology wonderful?
Song for the day:
2012 pop mash up by DJ earworm.
There's also a girl I've been texting lately. She seems pretty cool, but I haven't seen her in person. I always get nervous about girls I haven't seen (i.e. we've messaged on some dating site) but are responsive. I feel like if I'm going to be attracted to them, I'm going to have to prove myself. If they are responding that quickly and easily either somethings wrong or they're not going to be hot. This girl seems to get my humor and she likes video games. She actually played Metal Gear Solid 4 and he has downloaded some indie puzzle games! That should be a red flag I'm not going to be physically attracted to her.
I recently had a short fling with someone. She was young, a bit of a brat, and not over her ex boyfriend (which in retrospect may never have been her ex.) But she was hot. It ended abruptly as I expected it to. And even though I put up emotional roadblocks so as not to get hurt, I couldn't help but feel dejected and abandoned. I actually had a dream last night where she and I sat down for coffee and had a frank and honest discussion about our brief relationship. I asked her point blank if she ever broke up with her boy friend at all and she said "no." The dream was cathartic.
Been watching The Wire. Saw the first season years ago. Now that I have it on DVD, I'm watching it with the subtitles. When you have a show that has it's plot developments happen in dialogue which involves throwing names around I get lost. The Wire does this and so does L.A. Confidential. For example:
"Cop X has been playing Cop Y who is really corrupt and has been bank rolling Judge A to convict Mob-boss 1. Only thing is Prosecutor A has been a dick about is so Cop Y had Thug 2 threaten Prosecutor A but then Old Lady 2 saw it and now she's gonna snitch. And Cop X planned it all along."I honestly don't get characters' names on a TV show straight until the second season. Having subtitles helps a lot. Especially since there's so much cop and thug jargon. I'd do it with the West Wing, but the subtitles don't match up 100% and that shit drives me crazy.
My Nintendo 3DS has been getting some play lately. I've always ragged on The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Felt it was boring and overrated, Ganon(dorf) looked silly, (he's much cooler in Twilight Princess and the coolest in Wind Waker) and thought most of the game was boring. And a month before it was released, the first Metal Gear Solid came out and blew my fuckin' mind. So when people cry OcT was the best game ever I tend to roll my eyes.
And the other time waster has been The Dark Tower. Stephen King's fantasy epic has captivated me. I always held off reading it despite raves from my friends because I'm a relatively weak reader. I do okay with books that are 200-400 pages but after a while I lose interest or get distracted. I don't think I've read anything beyond 600 pages before in my life. I put down Michael Chabon The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay 100 pages from finishing it because I had been on and off so much that I forgot all the peripheral characters. When they showed up at the end for resolutions I had no idea what was going on. So to read a 7 book series, with several of those books being 600 pages plus, it just didn't seem like a good idea. But I bit the bullet and now I'm half way through the 2nd book and am happy with my decision. Also the Kindle does wonders. Another minus about a 600 page book is that you have to carry it around. Going out to a club? You're not bringing that thing with you. But now I can just sync it to my phone and continue reading it on the train. Isn't technology wonderful?
Song for the day:
2012 pop mash up by DJ earworm.
Monday, January 2, 2012
2012
Welcome to 2012, the year that people who have no understanding of other cultures' calendars believe will be our last. 2011 was quite a year indeed. I moved across the country, wrote two plays, a tv spec script, worked at three restaurants, was a production assistant for Boardwalk Empire, was an extra in The Dark Knight Rises, maintained this blog, ran into the following celebrities; Bono, Ira Glass (person a idol,) John Goodman, Scott Adsit, Michael Emmerson, Daniel Day Lewis (twice though the second time was yesterday so that was actually 2012,) Steve Martin, Rober Kulwich (another personal idol,) Christian Bale, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Christopher Nolan, Chris Rock, and Ben Stiller (though those last two were in Broadway performances, but I was front row for both shows so that counts,) had 3 women in my bed (not at the same time,) started another blog, managed to find moderation with alcohol, got the worst flu of my life, finished reading 5 books (Alienist, American Gods, Bossypants, Grapes of Wrath, and The Gunslinger,) and found Jesus. He was under a couch cushion.
Okay that last one isn't true.
Yes, it was quite a year indeed. So the question remains...why am I so unhappy? A few reasons come to mind.
- I don't have any friends.
It's important to remember that in ever stage of my life, I've not made friends until the second year. 2nd grade I met Andrew Entsminger. 8th grade I met Patrick Kemp. 11th grade (my High School was 10-12) was when Matt Chansard and I finally hit it off. Sophmore year of college was when I met Zach Cook. And Tyler Alden and I didn't start hanging out till my 2nd year at the Ginger. So second year is the magic number.
- I have nothing to show for my work.
I write. A lot. But so far nothing has come of it. Other than submitting my plays to a few festivals here and there I've really haven't pimped out my stuff. My other blog only get hits when I Facebook message people and even then it's rare if I get more than 20 hits. My spec scripts won't do me any good until I write a few more.
Nothing I have ever done has ever amounted to anything. Drawing, acting, wine study, and pick up all feel like misfires. Things that had initial success but plateaued, dwindled, and ultimately I gave up on. I'm not even sure I believe I can succeed anymore. Sure we all love to hear the success stories of the woman who worked for years and finally made it or the late bloomer who finally got his break, but those are all anecdotal and atypical. That's why we like to hear them. Most people don't succeed. Some don't have what it takes others just never get the break. That's the cold hard truth.
- Women
This one's a combination of the first two. Lack of time and lack of luck. Granted I've gone on a good number of dates this year, I rarely find myself one on with a girl I'm really attracted to. High standards mixed with some particular fetishes makes me feel like I'll probably be alone for a while.
It's important to remember that women actually do respond to me when I am comfortable enough to approach. I just hate when numbers fizzle.
- New York's getting old.
Yes, I still like the city. But when I don't have anyone to hang out with I'm back at my apartment. And this is not a city for people to spend all their time in their apartments. It's small and cramped and impossible to keep clean. I don't plan on being in this apartment much much longer so I don't want to invest in anything too nice or big to lug up 5 flights of stairs. As I become more committed to TV writing, the more it means I'm going to have to move to LA. Another reason to not get too comfortable. And it gets dark early.
So those things all contribute to my unhappiness. Here's hoping that 2012 will bring amelioration.
Song of the Day. My Name Is Jonas
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