My TV writing class ended last night all the while coinciding with a compulsion that's been brewing inside me. As Mega Man X's cries in desperation when his health gets low so must I, "time to get serious." Over the past two years, I've proven to myself that I indeed can write. I have 6 bodies of work (3 plays, 2 spec scripts, 1 pilot script) as well as a blog, and the ability to take and incorporate notes. It surprised me how few of the other writers in my TV classes finished even first drafts of their scripts over the 10 week course while I was turning in 2nd and 3rd draft revisions.
What I haven't done is push myself in a direction to market and selling myself. And that's the big deal. Networking has always been a scary word for me. I've come to view myself as a loner and when I'm at my loneliest I never feel I have anyone there for me. But the truth of the matter is that I've had plenty of opportunities for networking and have simply let the relationships die. As I look back there are plenty of people in college and play shows that I've done who were more than willing to be supportive. I just let it die away. So now my personal goal is to reinvigorate those relationships and keep them alive.
Networking: Check!
Marketing....
Uhhh....okay. So here's the real problem. How the hell do I get my stuff to make me money? I need to start getting outside my comfort area. Contacting agents, production companies, being persistent, aggressively market. I've always wanted to play the game by the rules. As I've grown older, I've come to realize that success goes to those willing to bend or break the rules by taking a risk. My see what happens approach has gotten me to be a 28 year old waiter. It's time to try something more active.
This also means I will be leaving New York. It was a bad decision for my career. But it gave me a year and some change to be more firmly committed to my goal. I learned to be a little more gruff and forceful. The writing class refined me and gave me direction. It will be a bitch to pack my shit up and mail it again. I'll have to buy a new car, pay for insurance, find another place, but fuck it...it's time. I'm putting the date at July or August.
I've felt for a long time that I don't feel like a man. And why should I? What have I done? I've not built a career, a family, a community. I've wandered from group to group, job to job, keep mostly to myself and it's left me lonely and unaccomplished. At my core, all I want is to sit at home, get drunk, fuck a girlfriend, play videogames or watch movies. And as much as I will indulge in pieces of that, when I do have free time I'm never able to enjoy any of those things (well except the girl fucking, but even then not really.) I truly believe, if I am able to overcome this networking hurdle, if I'm able to support myself with my writing, I will finally be a man.
If I can't, if I fail I will probably shoot myself.
Don't even know how I came to this blog. Random googling of the words "spec script" and shit, I suppose. It's a little frightening how closely it echoes my own thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAnyway. Fellow couldawouldashouldawannabe screenwriter here. Just thought I'd drop a line and let you know you're not shouting into the void.