2012

Welcome to 2012, the year that people who have no understanding of other cultures' calendars believe will be our last. 2011 was quite a year indeed. I moved across the country, wrote two plays, a tv spec script, worked at three restaurants, was a production assistant for Boardwalk Empire, was an extra in The Dark Knight Rises, maintained this blog, ran into the following celebrities; Bono, Ira Glass (person a idol,) John Goodman, Scott Adsit, Michael Emmerson, Daniel Day Lewis (twice though the second time was yesterday so that was actually 2012,) Steve Martin, Rober Kulwich (another personal idol,) Christian Bale, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Christopher Nolan, Chris Rock, and Ben Stiller (though those last two were in Broadway performances, but I was front row for both shows so that counts,) had 3 women in my bed (not at the same time,) started another blog, managed to find moderation with alcohol, got the worst flu of my life, finished reading 5 books (Alienist, American Gods, Bossypants, Grapes of Wrath, and The Gunslinger,) and found Jesus. He was under a couch cushion.

Okay that last one isn't true.

Yes, it was quite a year indeed. So the question remains...why am I so unhappy? A few reasons come to mind.

•  I don't have any friends. 

Well that's not really true. I have made friends here, but they aren't the most accessible. Being a waiter means most of your nights you are working. This makes hanging out with people who aren't waiters difficult. Especially since the nights you have off aren't weekend. And unless you want to drink after work (12 or 1 am) the chances of hanging out with your waiter friends is even harder. Unlike 9-5ers, your night off isn't the same as your coworker. It's randomly sprinkled throughout the week. Plus a lot of my waiter friends are actors, so the nights they do have off is likely to be spent at rehearsal or with a significant other. This means many of my nights off are spent alone. And since I'm not drinking on nights like that, I usually just turn in early. I'd play video games or watch TV, but doing something so antisocial on my nights off is really depressing.

It's important to remember that in ever stage of my life, I've not made friends until the second year. 2nd grade I met Andrew Entsminger. 8th grade I met Patrick Kemp. 11th grade (my High School was 10-12) was when Matt Chansard and I finally hit it off. Sophmore year of college was when I met Zach Cook. And Tyler Alden and I didn't start hanging out till my 2nd year at the Ginger. So second year is the magic number.

• I have nothing to show for my work.

I write. A lot. But so far nothing has come of it. Other than submitting my plays to a few festivals here and there I've really haven't pimped out my stuff. My other blog only get hits when I Facebook message people and even then it's rare if I get more than 20 hits. My spec scripts won't do me any good until I write a few more.

Nothing I have ever done has ever amounted to anything. Drawing, acting, wine study, and pick up all feel like misfires.  Things that had initial success but plateaued, dwindled, and ultimately I gave up on. I'm not even sure I believe I can succeed anymore. Sure we all love to hear the success stories of the woman who worked for years and finally made it or the late bloomer who finally got his break, but those are all anecdotal and atypical.  That's why we like to hear them. Most people don't succeed. Some don't have what it takes others just never get the break. That's the cold hard truth.  

• Women

This one's a combination of the first two. Lack of time and lack of luck. Granted I've gone on a good number of dates this year, I rarely find myself one on with a girl I'm really attracted to. High standards mixed with some particular fetishes makes me feel like I'll probably be alone for a while. 

It's important to remember that women actually do respond to me when I am comfortable enough to approach. I just hate when numbers fizzle. 

• New York's getting old.

Yes, I still like the city. But when I don't have anyone to hang out with I'm back at my apartment. And this is not a city for people to spend all their time in their apartments. It's small and cramped and impossible to keep clean. I don't plan on being in this apartment much much longer so I don't want to invest in anything too nice or big to lug up 5 flights of stairs.  As I become more committed to TV writing, the more it means I'm going to have to move to LA. Another reason to not get too comfortable. And it gets dark early. 

So those things all contribute to my unhappiness. Here's hoping that 2012 will bring amelioration.

Song of the Day. My Name Is Jonas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdefe7l7_Zc