Tyler, I know this is your experience and if you want this post taken down I'll do it immediately.
We walk out of Garage after a semi successful night. We beat Ariel and Mikey at pool in front of the girls they were trying to impress all the while charming those very girls with "higher value" and wit. Earlier in the night, I opened a three set of attractive girls at the bar top at Barca. The night was by no means perfect. No numbers were closed and no kino had been escalated. But in the grand scheme of things, Tyelr and I are starting to get our game solid and once we get back from our respective trips out of town we will be unstoppable. Also, Tyler is quickly becoming my best friend in Seattle.
We feel good. We are going over what went wrong and what went right. Tyler lets me in on Canada girl's final IOI, playfully rustling his hair, before tromping off with her friends. I'm sure Ariel is about to explode under his serious anxsty Filipino exterior. Tyler is vibrant, illuminated even. I joyfully lament my missed opportunity. We are happy in the ways we failed because we learned and also went farther than either one of us had gone before. It truly feels like victor and because it was a team effort, it is all that much sweeter.
Tyler's iPhone vibrates in his pocket. I guess it is Erica. It's not. MOM is at the top of the caller ID. I know instantly something terrible has happened. The worst thing I can think of is that Tyler's father has died. I brace myself for that. I also wait for Tyler to say "What?" Or "Wait, what?" or perhaps "Mom, slow down and tell me again." I'm looking for him to deny the moment and search for confirmation. Tyler never does. He might have said "Ok." But I don't remember specifically. I do remember him nodding and looking in different directions. Not up or down, just side to side. And in a controlled manner.
That what Tyler does. He's always in control. Come to think of it. I've never seen Tyler any different. From the time I first met him he was always been an authority figure in the most demanding and dizzying place I have ever had to work. And he has always been the person most together at that facility. And now I am watching him in what may be one of the most crucial moments of his life and he is no different.
Tyler informs me simply that his mother's boyfriend has died. This boyfriend also happens to be Tyler's former karate instructor. I think I must have said "oh shit." "Oh shit" just seems so trite and common place. Sometimes I think my capacity to feel genuine emotion is greatly diminished. Like that a part of me rotted away sometime ago and now I just do what is expected.
I offer to go with Tyler. Ride with him to Kirkland. I want to be there for him. Be apart of this experience. I lessen the pain as he is driving alone to his mother's. I want to be there when he needs to take a break and go outside of her house among all the craziness. When it is seemly over in the morning, and he has put his mother to bed, I want to go out with him to some shitty IHOP or Cindys and order eggs and coffee. He will stare into the void and I will receive whatever he needs to express.
He responds with a yes to my offer to go with him. He may have even said, "Yes, that would be good." Then a wave of sleepiness washes over me. I also think that chances are he will need be there for his mother and I will just be sitting in some strange living room, sitting on some unfamiliar sofa, and adding an unwanted element to an already horribly burdened mother. Tyler may feel compelled to entertain me or at the very least tend to me in some way. However, the primary motivator for my next sentence really is because I'm tired and I don't want to be stuck.
"Actually, why don't I drive?" I have withdrawn my selfless offer to be there for him in exchange for the ability to escape when ever I want. He replies something to the effect of, " You know what. I think I'm okay. This probably won't hit me till later." I feel bad. What I feel shouldn't matter. He reveals a missed opportunity to speak to his former instructor and I try to comfort him telling him why I won't watch the movie The Deer Hunter.
I drop him home. He remains optimistically upbeat. "Despite the obvious, I still consider tonight a win." Then he reveals that since it is passed midnight, it is now his birthday. I think about when he checks his facebook wall, all the people who will wish him a happy birthday. I will think, if only they knew. I want people from work to rally around him. I want Tim Butorac to call him. I think of getting home and signing on to Star Craft II, looking for him and tell him to call Tyler. This is probably not what Tyler wants. I have no idea if this is what he needs either.
A bike falls over on my right as two cops arrest a skinny black man. I'd guess he was 40 or 50. Katie Perry's Teenage Dream plays on the radio. Someone on I-5 is pulled over. Black spray paint obscures the 60 on the speed limit sign. Details on a night like this jump out. Suddenly I am very sick of the song on the radio. I enter my apartment to discover I had left a light on. I picture Tyler's mother crying on his shoulder and I wish I had done more for him.
No comments:
Post a Comment