The Institute of Video Game and License Plate Design.

Brendan sits at his couch playing video games. The
phone rings. Brendan answers it.


TOMMY
I heard you lost your job.


BRENDAN
How? That was 20 minutes ago?


TOMMY
You’re mom told me. After I had sex with her.


BRENDAN
Dude!


TOMMY
Haha, bitch. Why does your mom call all your friends?
It’s weird.


BRENDAN
It was worse when I had the colonoscopy.


TOMMY
Why don’t you take this as an opportunity to do
something you’ve always wanted to do?


BRENDAN
Date a Slovakian honor student?


TOMMY
Better. Work in the field of waste management.


BRENDAN
How is that better?


TOMMY
Well, it’s less illegal.


BRENDAN
How is it illegal at all?


TOMMY
I’ve said too much.
Hangs up the phone. The phone immediately rings.


BRENDAN
Hello?


MOM
Brendan lost his job and he still wets the bed.


BRENDAN
Mom?


MOM
Brendan? Damn speed dial!


BRENDAN
Stop telling everyone I have a dysfunctional urethra!


MOM
Gotta go! And your little sister is pregnant again.



Mom hangs up the phone.
Brendan’s phone rings immediately again.


BRENDAN
What?


TOMMY
Well?


BRENDAN
Well what?


TOMMY
Are you going to be a garbage collector?


BRENDAN
No!


TOMMY
(overly sarcastic)
Then why don’t you look into the prestigious and
lucrative world of video game design.


BRENDAN
Video games? I like getting stoned and playing them. I
could get stoned and design them too?


TOMMY
Sure, getting stoned, whatever. My dad needs another
garbage truck dri--


BRENDAN
You’re right! I’ll follow my dream of creating the
great medieval sandbox cooking sim with warlocks from
the future!

TOMMY
You’re serious? If I don’t get another driver, I’m
going to have to call Crazy Eddie. No one calls
Crazy Eddie.


BRENDAN
But where can I get training to make such a game?


TOMMY
I’ll tell you if you pick up this shift for me.


BRENDAN
Getting fired was the best thing that ever happened to
me!


TOMMY
Yea, it’s sad when people kid themselves.
Phone beeps.


BRENDAN
I have another call.


MOM
My son is a garbage man! And my husband has hermit
crabs. On his penis!


BRENDAN
Mom! I’m going to be a game designer!


MOM
That’s even worse.


BRENDAN
No, Mom. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do!


MOM
I’ve always wanted to date a Portuguese lacrosse
cheerleader, but those giant mascots always get in the
way.


BRENDAN
The security guards? Yea, they suck. I love you too!
Clicks back to Tommy


BRENDAN
Tommy!


TOMMY
(Tommy is talking to someone in his
house, while waiting on the phone.)
--Twenty bucks doesn’t get you dime bag anymore, it
gets you--
(To Brendan)
Brendan! So the trucks leave at--




TOMMY
No I’m going to start my new life tomorrow. If only I
knew where to get training.


BRENDAN
You should go to the Institute of Video Game and
License Plate Design.


TOMMY
The Institute of Video Game and License Plate Design?
What’s that?


BRENDAN
They teach you how to bake cup cakes. What do you think
it is?


TOMMY
Thanks Tommy. What’s the phone number?


BRENDAN
Do you have a pen? It’s 1 800 how the fuck should I
know?


TOMMY
Carefully writing down...
(slowly)
--the -- fuck --shoul-d


BRENDAN
It’s on the garbage route, next to the arcade and
unemployment office.


TOMMY
Thanks, Brendan.


BRENDAN
4 am!
Brendan hangs up the phone.


TOMMY
I can’t wait.


Cut to advertisement graphic with voice over.


VOICE OVER
The Institute of Video Game and License Plate Design.
Call today. We’ll take you even if you aren’t Asian!